A Whirlwind of Thoughts

During nap time, I put in a dvd documentary that Christian singer, Sara Groves, made. It shows her bringing a van and trailer load of diapers to a town in Louisiana after Katrina hit. It also shows her on a trip to Rwanda.

Whenever I watch something where someone is out there on the field helping...I burn to be doing the same. I had signed up last year to go on a missions trip to Uganda, but I didn't raise the money that I needed and so I shrugged it off as something I'll try to do again someday. But, how can you forget about something when it is so sooooooooooooo heavy on your heart? I have a lot of praying to do. I know it's too late to go on the same trip I was going to go on, because the money for the plane tickets was already needed to be turned in. But, I am sure there are more trips out there.

Steve gets his bonus in March and it is definitely enough to pay for myself to go on a trip to Uganda. But we were going to try to save that money and then use our tax money to take a trip to Disneyland with the kids and buy a few items.

And it's like...I almost feel selfish in a way that THAT is what I am choosing to do with the money. So, I have some deep thinking to do.

And I know that we DO need to save. So then I was thinking back to my fundraising efforts. Did I try hard enough??? No, I didn't. So, what if I found another trip and fundraised again...and really, REALLY fundraised, would it make a difference? What if I only needed to use $700 of our bonus that we get....because I raise almost enough? I dunno. It's so hard to explain this to someone who may not have the same yearning in their heart as I have. I mean, really and truly...it is beyond tugging at me. It is pulling me with such force!!!

Anyway, Sara Groves said a few things in her documentary that I wanted to write down. And I would like to share them with you.

She quoted Gary Haugen From International Justice Mission who said...
"In times of great trial and when disaster strikes I used to ask, where is God? But now my plea has changed. Instead of asking, where's God? I ask, where are God's people?"

And Sara was talking about how she used to want to shelter her kids from seeing so much of the world's evil. She felt as if she were hugging a wall. But now she feels like she doesn't want her kids seeing her hugging a wall. She wants them to see her with her head back, running!

She said..."I want the wick to be gone. I want the wax to be gone. I want to have burned down to the ground when my story is over."

Another thing that got me thinking during the film, was a part where she was talking to a gal in Rwanda about the music in Rwanda. The kids would sing songs and dance. Now this is Rwanda folks, they have been through genocide and its affects. Their music is about life, family, children and play. She then asked Sara what her music is about? Of course being a Christian artist her music is about similar things. But what it got me thinking about was mainstream secular music. l mean look at Rwanda...look at all they've been through and what they sing about. Then you have America, the land of opportunity. We have so much and what is the majority of our music about?????? Money, sex, partying, drinking, affairs, loneliness, depression.
Really makes you think!!!!!!!